Tobit 8: 4 – 9; Colossians 3: 12 – 17; John: 15: 12-16
My dear friends in Christ, may the Lord give you peace!
We
gather this morning to witness and celebrate the love that Mariama and
Peter share one for the other, a love that ultimately comes from Christ
Himself. We are here to acknowledge that their love for each other has
taken them on to the next step of their relationship which they pledge
to each other this day for the rest of their days. We gather to witness
the exchange of their consent to love each other faithfully and
exclusively for the rest of their days as they commit themselves to
mirror the love of Christ for his Bride, the Church. I welcome each of
you, their family and friends, especially those of you who have covered
long distances to share in this solemn celebration, and I greet you with
affection. On behalf of Mariama and Peter , I thank you for your
prayerful support and encouragement and express to you their joy and
gratitude at your presence here today.
I
recently read something which shocked me but which I think is true. It
is that when two young people approach the sacrament of marriage their
guests shake their heads as they look at the young people and they pray:
"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what
they are doing." I
have also heard that on the night of the honeymoon, the husband looks at
the wife and says the words: "Today, you will be with me in paradise."
But very often after one year, he looks at the wife again and says: "My
God, my God, why have you forsaken me." Be that as it may, no one has
contested the fact that of the many blessings with which life is filled,
few compare to the great gift of love, this love which Mariama and
Peter are about to exchange in a relationship that will continue till
death do them part.
In
the prayer of Tobias which we just heard in the first reading, Tobias
recalls God's Words : "It is not good for the man to be alone; let us
make him a partner like himself." – recalling us to the foundation of
marriage. That God created them Male and Female and that the two shall
become one flesh. In a sense, this is a prayer that both Peter and
Mariama are praying together today. A prayer of thanks to God for
creating a partner like oneself, one with which to share in the love of
God in this life. In the Garden - God created Adam and placed Eve next
to Him so that they might find each other and become One. In Peter and
Mariama's case, he put a little more space in between – one is from
Benue and the other from far away Kogi. But as it is always with God's
plans, He works in our lives in ways we don't expect or couldn't have
dreamed of to make Peter and Mariama to meet. Tobias probably never
would have thought that he would have found himself kneeling next to
Sarah and praying this prayer on their wedding night.
At
first listening to the reading, we may think that we have here a pious
couple who on their wedding night, just decided to include God, praising
him for the gift of creation, and of marriage, and asking that their
marriage be always based on love, in short, the prayer of a newly
married couple. For those of you who are not familiar with the Book of
Tobit, you might be interested to know the context of this simple
prayer: Tobias had even more reason for praying. Sarah's first seven
husbands all died shortly after marrying her. He is Sarah's eighth
husband, and every one of the seven before him, died on their wedding
night with her. If there were ever a case for a runaway groom, Tobias
would never have been blamed. And yet Tobias is so in love, that he
counts neither the cost, nor the risk. Tobias is so in love, that he
finds himself willing to be "victim" number 8 if it comes to that. He
realized that the odds were against him but also the power of placing
the relationship in God's hands. God answered Tobias's prayer.
Peter
and Mariama realize the same, that they are about to make promises that
are nearly impossible to keep, on human terms, to remain faithful to
one another through good and bad, for the rest of their lives. They know
the statistics of our culture which reveal the difficulty of such
far-reaching promises. For this reason, they come here to the altar of
God today, to ask the One who can give them the grace to live out fully
their marriage. They, like Tobias and Sarah, get down on their knees and
implore God's blessing. I hope and expect that Peter and Mariama will
follow the example of Tobias and Sarah and will pray on their wedding
night as well as everyday of their married life together.
Their
second reading speaks to the genuineness of this relationship:St. Paul
wrote: "Put on then, as God's chosen ones...kindness, humility,
gentleness, and patience...And over all these put on love."You only need
to spend a few minutes with Mariama and Peter to know that they have
already "put on" these virtues, both as individuals and as a couple.
They are prepared to live out St. Paul's message because it is who they
are. I see also that just about everybody here is dressed up today as we
witness and celebrate this special occasion where God is joining you,
Peter and Mariama together as man and wife, to become one in His eyes.
Peter is looking sharp all dressed up in your suite and Mariama,
particularly looks radiant and beautiful in your bridal dress. These
are the wedding clothes that you have put on to celebrate this holy
occasion. While these wedding clothes adorn your outward appearance they
reflect for us the inner preparation that you have made with the help
of God. In the passage we read, "Therefore, as God's Chosen people,
holy and dearly beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness,
humility, gentleness and patience...bearing with one another and
forgiving one another...as the Lord has forgiven you. Over all these
put on love..." These are the inner wedding clothes that you have put
on in preparation for this day. These are the wedding clothes that you
will wear everyday of your lives together, if you are to succeed in this
journey of togetherness.
You
have probably never thought of these as clothes before. Perhaps you
will in the future. A person doesn't often notice his clothes until he
is standing without them, standing naked and so it is with these wedding
clothes. It will be apparent to each of you if and when you forget to
put them on. When coldness replaces warmth and passion you'll know that
you forgot to put on your wedding clothes. When you become short with
each other and neglect to be kind to each other, you forgot to put on
your wedding clothes. When pride replaces humility as you latch on to
the "I know I'm right" attitude, you forgot to put on your wedding
clothes. When your patience runs short because that your job seems more
important than your spouse, or the dirt on the carpet has become a
major crime, you forgot to put on your wedding clothes. Yes, the
challenge for most couples is not in "putting on" these virtues of
kindness, humility, and patience; it is keeping them on. The challenge
is in keeping their focus on these virtues when times are tough. They
need help. That's why we're here, in this Church. No wonder, in the
Gospel reading, Jesus has simple marital advice:"This is my commandment:
Love one another as I have loved you!".
Peter
and Mariama, You will soon be making your marriage vows to each other
but it is also a vow to God, accepting the other into a relationship
that is both holy and sacred. The passage of the Gospel which you so
adequately selected yourselves for this occasion gives us the words of
Jesus, "This is my commandment: Love one another as I have loved you!"
This command was at the Last Supper, when Jesus was preparing to depart
from his disciples. Though he will be absent physically, his presence
will remain, particularly in the expressions of selfless loving that
imitate his actions, and so like the disciples, you too are being
challenged by Jesus to enter willingly into this sacrificial love for
each other; as you both will become a mirror of the selfless way that
Christ loved not only his disciples but all throughout the world and
those of us who are gathered here today. This is why marriage is a
sacrament and both of you are participating in an action of Jesus
Christ.
The
gospel passage may also give the impression of a simple message of
Love, a heart-warming message whereby Jesus restates the "new
commandment" to love one another and abide in that love", but when you
look at the wording a little deeper there is one key troubling word that
keeps coming up, and that wording is "command" or "commandment". It
comes up clearly three times – in this very short passage. It is a hard
word to soft-pedal around - to reduce its impact. It is not a negotiable
word, there is no flexibility in the word. It does not say "you might
want to do this" Or suggest that "maybe you might do this". The word is a
clear directive. To put the passage in context - Jesus time is running
out. It is set in the upper room on the last night before the cross.
They have shared in the Passover meal, He has washed their feet - taught
them a new way to live in servitude towards each other and this is part
of a series of instructions and teachings - to his closest friends - on
his last night. Jesus in passing on this new way of life tells it in a
plain and clear way. He commands them to Love one another and abide in
that love.
Mariama
and Peter, you will soon come and stand before the altar of God, before
these friends and family, to give yourselves to each other because
marriage is a gift, the gift of yourself, of your life. And it is not
just for today. Every day from here forward, you must continue to give
yourselves to one another. That is a marriage. Giving yourselves to
each other means letting go of petty fights about who is right and who
is wrong. It means putting your spouse's interests – their wants and
desires and happiness – ahead of your own. It means, Peter, that
Mariama's happiness is more important to you than yours. And it means,
before you smile about that to much, Mariama, that Peter's happiness is
more important to you than yours. That is a marriage.
That
is precisely what Jesus means when he gives his disciples their one and
only commandment, to love one another. That is what Paul means, when he
tells us to be clothed in love. That is what it means to become one
flesh, forever joined together. You are each your wedding gift to one
another. And your marriage is the gift of continuing to give yourselves
to one another. A warning. It must be both of you, and it must be a
decision you continue to make every day. And with that gift to each
other, with that shared love, I know that you will have a marriage that
will last through the ages, and stand as a witness to all of the love of
God.
And
as tomorrow comes and you start your new life together as both husband
and wife, moving into your new home, putting away the clothes which
helped make today very special, that is when your journey and new life
will begin: may you both embrace the thought of laying down one's life
for each other. This is a tough and challenging thought, yet it
reinforces the fact that your love will endure even until death. This
very same love for each other which you have shown here today will
mature with you both and if it is cared for and well tended, it will
also take you through the trials and the troubles which life may throw
at you. Like the love that Jesus showed over two thousand years ago,
this too has never gone away. It was the same then, it is the same now
and it will be forever more. Even in the darkest of times, God's love
for you both is everlasting, and like the sun in the sky, that will rise
tomorrow morning, it will always be there for you and it is this very
same love which you can draw from in times of need.
What
you do here today Peter and Mariama is, I know, important to you. It
is important to your families. it is important to your friends, but even
more than that, it is important to the world: a world especially
Nigeria that desperately needs a sign that love can overcome hate, that
generosity is more powerful than greed, that peace can prevail over
violence. You can be that sign, in what you do together here today, in
what you do tomorrow, and in what you do for the rest of your lives, in
what will often be small and undramatic ways, a sign from God, a sign of
hope.
In
marriage, Scripture tells us, the "two become one" but they must remain
two - two well-defined unique persons who do not try to manipulate the
other or seek to be submissive. Each must respect the uniqueness, the
freedom and the conscience of the other, and share equally in the
responsibility. I have often said that Marriage is a career: and like
all careers it demands not only a long preparation, but also hard work
and self-sacrifice. In fact, marriage is not only a career, it is a
multiple career which demands multiple skills. It demands the patience
of a teacher, the technique of a psychologist, the diplomacy of a
statesman, the justice of a judge, the humor of a comedian, the mercy of
a confessor, and the philosophy of the salesman who says that the
customer is always right.
Peter
and Mariama, I ask you, the Church asks you, to give yourselves so
unreservedly to each other as to become that image for us, of Christ's
love for the Church. With Jesus as the foundation of your marriage you
will bring each other to holiness and happiness. You will raise up
children to God. And you will perform the greatest teaching service you
can possibly do in this life – as your life teaches us of the love of
Christ for his people. May you see your children's children" and like
God did to Tobias and Sarah, we ask the Lord to send down His mercy on
you Peter and Mariama, and may He allow you to live together to a happy
old age (cf. Tobit 8:8).
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